


in these spoken words my heart is yours (and in unspoken love i find your heart to be mine)

by wartransmission



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Introspection, Introspection Ep 12, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-23
Updated: 2016-12-23
Packaged: 2018-09-11 11:57:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8978734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wartransmission/pseuds/wartransmission
Summary: The love he was given since the beginning of his twenty-three years of life was never quite as abstract as it was always there, unquestionable, a fixture so permanent in his heart that it became background noise to the life he chose to lead on the ice.
Viktor, coming like a storm from quiet shores, turned all of that onto its head in the same surprising manner he’d always done for all his graceful moments on the ice.





	

Yuuri doesn’t mean to imply that he never felt loved in the care of his family and friends when he spoke those words for all the world to hear.

“ _I was finally able to realize that something like love exists all around me._ ”

The love he was given since the beginning of his twenty-three years of life was never quite as abstract as it was always there, unquestionable, a fixture so permanent in his heart that it became background noise to the life he chose to lead on the ice.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want it. It wasn’t that he didn’t need it. It was just that it had become so prevalent that it became invisible, the same way all good things become quiet, unnoticeable things once they have been attained.

Viktor, coming like a storm from quiet shores, turned all of that onto its head in the same surprising manner he’d always done for all his graceful moments on the ice.

Slowly, gradually, everything he’d thought he knew changed as Viktor stayed by his side. What were unspoken ideas in his mind became spoken words by calm ocean shores, and what used to be fear and anxiety wrapped up in a tight bundle close to his chest was a burden that he learned to share, because that was what Viktor wanted of him. Viktor was a reminder that love didn’t have to be quiet. It didn’t have to be hidden, unnoticeable, unspoken and _just there_ like it has been for most of his life.

Viktor taught him that it was okay to love out loud. Viktor taught him that love could be passionate, could be proud, protective and possessive and selfish and selfless all at the same time.

Viktor taught him that love wasn’t one thing or the other.

Viktor taught him that love was his,

if he would just stand up and grab it.                                                                                                                  

And grab it he did, possessive and loud in its proclamation as he wrapped a golden band around Viktor’s right ring finger. It was _his_ , the same way Viktor was, and even if he hadn’t meant it the way Viktor thought it did when he put it on him, he wouldn’t deny that the idea of having Viktor to himself for good was the best dream he could ever think to accomplish.

(The ring was possessive, but not to the point that he would have actually called Viktor his fiancé so freely. It was his thank you, a wish for luck, a claiming bond, and a tentative goodbye.

Even if they ended up separating after the Grand Prix Finals, the ring would still be there, wouldn’t it? Even if Viktor never wore it again, he would make sure keep it safe, if only because he knows Yuuri gave so much of his heart with it.)

It was a promise. A promise to win gold, a promise to make Viktor proud, and—

and he’d failed.

He’d failed, slipping on the last quad, enough that he couldn’t even reach the 100 mark. What confidence he’d built up in the previous days, what certainty he’d amassed in Viktor’s care- it had all crumbled and cracked, fragile as the heart that continues to beat in his chest. He wasn’t built to be this strong, this steady, in the face of Viktor’s happy smiles at the sight of the others’ skating. Not when he himself had failed, when _he_  was the one who was supposed to make Viktor smile that sweet and proud smile of his.

(For all that Yuuri is blind in the rink, the glare of ice shining brightly like countless stars with every twist and turn, he somehow manages to be worse off it. Every affectionate touch, every sweet word, every supportive gesture- all of it, _lost_ , unless it is frankly spoken to his glass heart.)

It’s not that Yuuri wants to let Viktor go. Given the choice to be even _more_ selfish, he’d never let the man out of his grasp or his sight for as long he lived. He’d made that clear in the months that he had Viktor, didn’t he? He had let people know that Viktor is his with every program, let them know that Viktor had made this for _him_ , had left his motherland for _him_ , had chosen to leave the ice for _him._

But it’s one thing to steal Viktor from the world, and another to take his _life_ and _love_ away from him.

(And what else could that life and love be, other than the ice from which he’d bloomed? What else could make Viktor _Viktor_ , if not the ice that brought them both together?)

Yuuri doesn’t want to be the one that ruins Viktor, doesn’t want to be the one to cause Viktor’s misery by clinging too hard and asking for too much. Viktor had already given up so much for him, hadn’t he? To make him stay when Yuuri could do no better than this would be cruel, unjust-

it would be unfair.

So he tries to let Viktor go.

He tries to let the man he loves go, selfless in his thoughts yet selfish in his heart for his wish to see Viktor dancing on the ice once more. He had already gotten what he wanted- a bit of Viktor, a bit of his time and his heart and his love- and to ask for more would already be too much, too greedy, too _selfish_.

Viktor calls him a selfish human being for saying so.

He’s not wrong.

(For all that he loves keeping Viktor his, he still wants to see him skate. He wants to see, once more and over and over, how beautiful Viktor is skating on golden blades over star-bright ice. He wants to see Viktor inspired and _happy_ on the ice, the same way that he was happy when Yuuri had first asked him to _stay_.)

So he skates, pours his heart into every gesture and sway of his body while dancing to the bittersweet song of how he grew into love. What starts in isolation, the song of a piano all on its lonesome, becomes slowly intertwined with the violin that holds Viktor’s love in its every note and rest.

He skates, lets glass shatter and mend anew in the space between his lungs as he raises a shaky hand in Viktor’s direction- a reminder that he couldn’t have gotten this far, couldn’t have been this happy, had Viktor not been by his side to teach him the different forms of love.

He wins silver.

Viktor tells him that it’s not the gold that he wants to press soft lips upon.

“ _Yuuri, do you have any suggestions? Something that would excite me?_ ”

_A kiss,_ he thinks. _A kiss would be surprising, wouldn’t it? I’ve never initiated a kiss in so public a place, unlike you. And during a live international broadcast too._

But he can’t. He won’t. It’s not the right place, nor the right time.

(There’s still the exhibition to think about, after all.)

So he asks for another year. Another year to train, another year to improve, another year to keep Viktor by his side for longer.

Viktor bargains for five.

(Unspoken, but acknowledged in quiet, giggle-born smiles, is the promise of forever written in golden bands resting on their right ring fingers. Yuuri knows better now; the rings are a wish for luck, a promise to win gold, and a bond of love.)

He is in love, heart proud and booming in his chest at having the chance- at being _given_ the chance- to hold and keep Viktor close.

He is in love, and Viktor loves him back.

Just this once, just for this, just for one wish to have and keep Viktor in his life and heart, he’ll choose to be selfish.

It’s only fair, after all;

Viktor is undeniably selfish with him, too.

**Author's Note:**

> Un-beta'ed and written at 4 in the morning so pardon my,,, idk, grammar and other errors?? Just let me know if anything needs fixing lol,,
> 
> Or let me know if you liked it! Kudos and reviews are much appreciated ♥♥♥


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